Most of us know that comparing ourselves to others is not only unproductive but also pretty deflating when it comes to self-esteem.
Yet, like a switch we can’t flick off, we still do it whether at work with our peers, on social media with celebrities, or even in our personal lives with family and friends.
But WHY, when we know how detrimental it can be?!
Delving headfirst into the topic, wellness guru Simon Osamoh explores our impulse to compare in a new self-help video and, crucially, how to prevent ourselves from doing it going forward.
Speaking about his own experience, Simon confessed to feeling envious of his best friend who started an internet-hosting business when he was just 18 and later sold it for over £20million.
When that friend visited Simon in a Ferrari that was worth more than his house, he instantly felt pangs of jealousy and began to compare his accomplishments against his mate.
Simon explained: “The reason we compare ourselves to others is fear. Comparison is born out of our insecurities.
“As people, we have an inability to internalise our strengths and accomplishments, which leads to imposter syndrome, where unbelief creeps into your heart that you are not good enough.”
Simon continued: “So, we measure outwardly against other people’s journeys. That comparison makes us feel inadequate and inferior if we don’t match or elevate their outward successes.
“Deep down we feel like we’re a fraud waiting to be found out and that we have less to offer the world than we actually do, making us want to be like someone else.”
Fortunately, a chance comment from Simon to his pal, when he asked ‘What happened, did you overachieve or did I underachieve?’, kickstarted a conversation that flipped his thinking forever.
Simon’s friend told him simply to look at all the things he had accomplished in his life by looking inward instead of outward.
This simple yet effective olive branch helped Simon realise he had achieved great things, including a successful career in the police and becoming a landlord owning multiple properties.
Now, Simon preaches what he practices to helps others who find themselves in comparison mode stop it in its tracks so that you never judge your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 10.
His first tip is to be aware that self-comparison is self-destructive.
For example, if you fret over a colleague at work who has only been there six months and gets promoted over you, this leads to negative thoughts and questioning if you are good enough.
Secondly, we need to focus on acceptance and come to a place of understanding that every individual has their own journey and will do things differently and at an alternate pace to us.
The cherry on the cake, number three, is understanding that admiration leads to action.
This means by swapping comparison with admiring someone’s new job or success, it will help you work harder to achieve your goals instead of just feeling envious.
It is only on reaching this third stage that Simon believes we can truly focus our energy into becoming the greatest version of ourselves.
Simon concluded: “I would constantly compare my life with that of my friends, they had a nice car I didn’t, they found school easy I didn’t, but I’ve since learned that wasn’t my journey.
“The comparison was self-destructive. It never made me look at my skills, my abilities, my strengths, only focus on what I didn’t have.”
He added: “The only way you can become free is to meet someone else’s success with admiration that leads to your own action.”
We look forward to trying it! See you on t’other side…
To catch the video in full, watch below.